October has come and gone and with it the pink ribbons will slowly disappear.
One thing I did not expect was how hard this month was for me. My expectation was that I’d lean into it; like, “yes, I made it! Girl power!” What happened was entirely different.
I got stuck in traffic because of Run for the Cure and had a panic attack.
My workplace had a “wear pink to support breast cancer” and I freaked out and dressed all in black.
Every little pink ribbon made me rage.
When I really dug deep into why I was feeling this way I came to the conclusion that, while acknowledgement was great, awareness is not the same as understanding, and understanding is what I was hoping for.
In talking with friends and colleagues, there is a huge misconception that once you are done active treatment, you’re free and clear. You’re cured! You can move on with life. The reality is very different.
Cancer (and I think this is true of any cancer) changes you. It may be as simple as being more aware of your own health. Or, you may look different, interact with the world differently, or in the case of breast cancer (and a few others) have ongoing invisible treatments that you deal with for years.
I think my strong negative reactions to Breast Cancer Awareness Month came from a deep desire for people to really understand the realities of breast cancer and survivorship instead of simply wearing pink and saying “I support you”. I want people to understand WHAT they are supporting, and HOW they can be supportive. I want people to take action and ask questions about the reality of survivorship and treatment. I want people to get themselves screened.
After this month, I’ve also taken a long hard look at the things I’ve done in the past that now feel very performative in “support”. Is wearing a specific colour shirt on a specific day really supporting anything? No. And I am definitely guilty of doing that without doing the work involved in understanding and truly supporting some causes.
If you’re where I am and struggled through October; I see you. If you are someone who wants to learn more; ask questions, find information, go get screened, make a donation towards breast cancer research.
Canada based survivor resources: Rethink Breast Cancer
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